Today I broke away from responsibility to enjoy the company of a friend. We met at a location that was filled with lights, and sounds, and more people than I care to associate with.
For the past few days, I’ve been thrust into environments that are noisy, crowded, and overwhelming.
Within the confines of my home, the unit that should be my safe space, silence still eludes me.
At times, the noise of strangers is more acceptable than the powerful volumes in my personal space. In public, I’m not responsible for other people’s interactions. At home, I’m the default for solving all problems, and fixing all issues. I could be completely disassociated from the situations, they still have a way of becoming MINE.
While trying to enjoy a moment with a friend, I had to excuse myself to deal with issues taking place 45 minutes away from my location. That phone call left me frustrated. Why can’t people figure things out for themselves?
My return home placed me in the throws of a situation that should have ended hours ago. Add to it the noise of other people’s entertainment blaring through the house. Add to it the sound of laundry finally tumbling clean…Add to it conversations stepping over each other worse than careless dancers on a slippery floor.
I’m craving silence!!!!!!!!
I crawl from my space and relocate to somewhere public in order to escape the sounds from home. Nothing is peaceful in the winter. Indoor sanctuaries are filled with others seeking entertainment, and changes of scenery.
The noises around me change, but I am never truly comfortable, or alone.
Maybe silence is too bold a desire. I’d settle for people respecting my space. I’d settle for people lowering their voices. I’d settle for people respecting that I deserve some time to myself. I’d settle for not having to solve everyone else’s problems.