Why Don’t you…

“Why don’t you just leave?”

“Why don’t you just walk out?”

“People have left with less than you have.”

“People have left for reasons smaller than yours.”

“You’re not special.”

“What are you waiting for?”

“Don’t you know that the longer you wait, the harder it will be to leave?”

“There’s never going to be a ‘right time;’ just do it already!”

Don’t you know that I’ve tried? Maybe not as hard as some people would like me to, but I’m trying. Every single day, I’m trying. It’s simply not good enough.

I’ve met roadblocks.

I’ve hit brick walls.

My words fall like anvils in the ocean…silenced by the waves of someone else’s voice.

I know this transition will never be easy. I am not afraid of hard work, or effort.

I am afraid of being stonewalled.

I am afraid of being squashed.

I am afraid of trying until I truly have no effort left to employ, and still, as I seem to do daily, failing.

Easy answers, quick escapes…they’d all work if I was ONE. I’m not.

I need to think of others who cannot act for themselves.

They may want the forthcoming changes, but they don’t fully understand the impact of it all.

I wish the staircase I’m climbing wasn’t actually coated in oil.

So slick it is that two steps forward propels me twenty back.

I have the stamina to complete this.

I have the goal in mind.

I see the light in the tunnel…

I just hope I can reach it before it burns out.

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