Boxed

Is it a double standard, or a form of control that I’m currently battling? In many ways, I think it’s BOTH.

One person makes decisions and does what they choose for the day, while I’m left to tend to the chores, the needs, the wants, and the whines.

I made a decision for my day. Someone doesn’t approve of my choice. Yet I’m an adult with a mind of my own, and a means of supporting myself. Still, someone is judging my actions because it’s not something that they enjoy. Do I care? No, not at all!

I’m looking forward to my time out with a friend. We’re going to laugh, which is something we both NEED right now.

It’s frustrating how people are able to stay home alone, but I am never granted that privilege. It’s frustrating how people are able to make plans that create demands on my time, and energy, but I’m judged for doing something that doesn’t include others.

Sometimes I forget that I’m an adult. I lose sight of the fact that I can make decisions for myself, even if someone else doesn’t “approve.” I live so deeply under a microscope that I create shadows to hide my thoughts, and views. My tongue has more bite marks than a sloppy kisser. My natural state is blue: sadness, and bloated from holding my breath instead of speaking my mind.

I have been mindlessly origami-ed into a position of waiting, and servitude. When I unfold myself and stretch towards my independence, my parchment wings shred and I crumble; recycled back into shapes that don’t conform to my personal space, or thoughts.