Monogamy: one sexual partner at a time for the duration of a relationship.
Monogamy: one emotional partner (stronger level than friendship) for the duration of. relationship.
Monogamy: a fantastical promise between two people who believe in forever, until death do them part.
Monogamy takes work, and effort. It’s a high level of commitment that truly has benefits for everyone involved. It’s also a vault that often traps people into relationships that no longer work for anyone involved.
Historically, and even presently, monogamy ensures bloodlines, and paternity within families. Of course, this automatically insinuates that the conceiving person is the one who would “stray,” and “cheat,” which is an unfair stereotype, but I digress.
The truth is, that yes, if a conceiving person engages in sexual relations with multiple partners, even with proper protection it may be difficult to know who the sperm donor is, which, for proof of paternity, support, and parental connection is important. It is however unfair to place the “rules” of monogamy strictly on conceivers.
Conception aside, monogamy is strongly linked to jealousy. No one wants to believe that they aren’t able to provide everything that their partner needs, or wants. There is a universal sense of failure when relationships crumble, and one, or both partners “stray.”
Blame games, and finger pointing become sports. Society norms blame the person who sought external recreation as the ender of all things sacred. Would there not have been relationship issues prior to the pants dropping? Would there not have been issues with feeling unfulfilled that allowed the gaps in connection to be filled by someone else? Maybe the side stepping is a symptom of an already ill relationship? Maybe the twists, and turns are the effect, but not the cause of turbulent tides?
Maybe…
Or, maybe there is a way for relationships to work with open doors, and honest communication. Maybe we as human beings need to recognize that we, at our roots were nomadic, and that marriage is an outdated social construct that has long been used to persevere a patriarchal society, financial control, vaginal virginity, and family bloodlines.
Is it possible for a couple to decide what is best for THEIR relationship without having to origami themselves into societal norms? Is it necessary for people non-conventional relationships to subscribe to conformity in order to be accepted in society? Really, why does it matter to anyone if people are happy, safe, and comfortable in a relationship that doesn’t meet the standards of stock photos in dollar store picture frames?
Is it possible for couples to have open policies about being in love with each other, but open to being intimate (emotionally/physically) with other people? Why not! If it doesn’t work for YOU, don’t engage in it!
Is it possible for large groups of people to be involved in a colony-like relationship? Hey, not my cup of tea, but it’s not hurting me, so why judge them?
I know many people for whom the word “monogamy” feels like personal ownership. They feel trapped in their relationships, unable to express themselves physically, or emotionally. For them, making choices for their own bodies gives them a huge sense of self, and personal autonomy.
Maybe sex isn’t the most important part of a relationship. Maybe emotional connection can come from a variety of directions. Maybe relationship structures aren’t made with cookie cutters.
Is it possible that maybe we could just allow people to love in any method they need to as long as they are not harming anyone in the processes?
Yeah, maybe we should just try that for a change…
Beautifully Broken 