A Version of a Virgin

In 1997, Natalie Imbruglia released her epic single “Torn.” The lyrics always struck me to be about a young woman who had lost her virginity to her partner, and was left heartbroken after their connection.

“…I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late
I’m already torn…”

I could be extremely wrong, and disconnected with the true meaning of the song, but let’s play with my interpretation for a moment.

Here we have a young woman who is feeling lost, and hopeless. Her self-worth is shattered, she’s all out of faith, she’s naked on the floor…she’s “torn.” What could be torn? Oh, wait, that’s right, her hymen! That silly little piece of skin that declares her body free of ever having engaged in the sin of sex. Premarital sex that is. Of course, once a woman is claimed by a man to be his wife, she’s Sexpected to have all the sex HE wants. (Obviously this a very loosely generalized statement and does not apply to all relationships!)

Interesting ins’t it? There is perceived “proof” of a person’ with a vagina’s “virginity,” but not so with regard to penises. Hmmmmmm….. but what activities, other than dick in vajayjay could possibly render a hymen torn? I wonder…

  1. horseback riding
  2. gymnastics
  3. regular body movements
  4. self-pleasure
  5. falls
  6. being born without a hymen…

The list doesn’t matter. It could be a million miles long for all I care; or don’t rather. I don’t care, and neither should anyone else!

Gone should be the days of parading bloodied sheets outside the wedding night door. Gone should be the days of women feeling the need to have their hymens artificially reconnected to prove to their spouse that they are pure before marriage. Gone should be the days of shame for not being able to prove one’s worth by a thin layer of skin in their vagina. The entire idea of it is freaking absurd!

I’ve always been curious about the people that want a virgin vagina on their arms, but then expect them to be wild porn stars in the bedroom. How is someone supposed to feel comfortable in intimacy if they’ve been warned against it for their entire lives? How does sex go from being forbidden and poisonous to the Kama Sutra as soon as rings are slipped on fingers? I really don’t understand.

Imagine how it must feel for a vagina the day after its wedding? Everyone now knows that the vagina has now most likely been penetrated; sex has happened. Less than 24 hours ago, the vagina was “pure,” the person was “pure.” Now, they are free from sin because intercourse took place with a blessed ring on a finger, however, everyone KNOWS what happened behind closed doors. How is that a comfortable feeling? Why are other people involved in what a vagina, or a penis does private?

I have friends who have kept their “virginity” until their wedding nights. Most of them did not have wonderful starts to their sexual exploration. It hurt (for both partners!). It was awkward. It didn’t work. It happened too quickly, or it didn’t end with fireworks. It took months, sometimes years for the couples to become sexually in synch with each other. In fact, I knew of a couple that were together for 20 years before the person with a vagina EVER had an orgasm. Until that moment, she hated sex, but felt that it was her marital duty to fill her husband’s needs. She “did what she had to do to make him happy, and to have children.” Imagine…just imagine what a chore that must of felt like for both of them.

Climbing “Mount O” was extremely liberating for her! From that moment on, she was truly able to explore, enjoy, and appreciate her sexuality, her body, and her desires. Her life was liberated; so much so that she went on to explore many avenues of her sexuality, and eventually left her husband. One of her reasons for parting ways linked back to the fact that for TWENTY YEARS he never took the time to learn, or care about what she needed in terms of pleasure. When he finally did, he simply wasn’t what she wanted, or needed any more.

Let’s get back to virginity, in particular, the virginity that is connected to vaginas. What establishes virginity? The hymen? So, again, if it was broken in some way other than a penis thrusting against it, is the vagina still virginal? What if that penis was made of silicone? Is that a virginity buster? Or, is it the connection of flesh, and hopefully mind that eliminates “purity?”

All of this aside, why does it always seem as though the penises of the world demand virgin vaginas? Why are the vaginas “protected,” and in many cases “owned” by the penises? Why do the penises judge how many guests a vagina has had, when many penises believe in they are able to “sow their wild oats” whenever, and whenever they wish.*

Why were virginal vaginas sacrificed in rituals? If they were so important, why feed them to volcanos? Why trade them for power? Isn’t the power already in the vagina?! (I think it is!)

In 1984, Madonna had us singing along as she told us what it felt to be “…like a virgin, touched for the very first time…” From the opening scene in NYC, the the Venetian canals, we watched as our goddess alternated between a modest, yet still sexy white (wedding???) dress, and a very fun, casual sexy miniskirt, and mini top. Did this clothing transformation mark the end of her virginity? What exactly does it mean to be “like a virgin” anyway? Had she had “some fun” with other people, but not “gone all the way?” That’s basically what the lyrics imply.

“Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you ’cause only love can last
You’re so fine and you’re mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold, oh, your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out what was scared and cold

Like a virgin, hey!
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
With your heartbeat next to mine

Whoa-oh-oh, ah

You’re so fine and you’re mine
I’ll be yours ’til the end of time ’cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel I’ve nothing to hide”

She’s been saving herself for him. She was scared, now she’s bold. Here we had the Queen of Sexiness telling us that she’s finally ready to “give it all up” for this person who made her feel strong, and loved. I imagine the entire “wedding” implication was because producers were terrified that young people would see their role model being lured into temptations while she was dressed “provocatively,” and that would open an entire floodgate of smelly Venetian waters from people who correlate what people wear with their ethics, and morality. No, best to have her appear in “virginal white” before she roars with pleasure, finds herself, and is now so “impure” that she dresses “provocatively.”


Of course, this is all my “pre-coffee” interpretation of the song, and video. Once again, I could be moons off of the actual meaning. That being said, I’ve invested above adequate time studying literary meanings, as well as observing life. Besides, this is a piece through MY eyes, and people are allowed to disagree with my thoughts, and opinions.

I am however still baffled by the concept of virginity as a standard for vaginal purity. I’m confused about why penises hold the key to virginity, when in reality, it really should be the person with the vagina who makes that decision. Furthermore, if all of these vaginas are supposed to be “locked, and secured until a penis decides to marry them,” what happens to the vaginas that never want a penis? What happens to the vaginas that never marry? Are they never supposed to experience pleasure? That seems cruel, and beyond ridiculous. One more thing…

Where are all of the penises getting their pleasure, and practice before marriage if all of the vaginas are locked up tightly with meaningless thin pieces of skin, and archaic misogynistic rules?

*This is clearly written from a heterosexual, cis-gender perspective, again, with complete respect to our LGBTQ2A+ community, I am only able to create content based on my experiences as I believe it would be offensive to make assumptions of what it’s like on all facets of the beautiful sexuality spectrum. I am sure our dear LGBTQ2A+ family experiences many of the same emotional, moral, ethical, and struggles; we are after all all beautiful humans on this giant planet.

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