There is an uncomfortable couch that we’ve all sat on at least once; the couch with cushions that look inviting and soft, but turn out to be hard, lumpy, and made fabric so rough, sandpaper would be more welcoming. That couch sits in a bright spotlight, arrows pointing down; on it, you glow in THE FRIENDZONE.
What is THE FRIENDZONE? It’s that incredibly abrasive, yet completely imaginary purgatory that lingers between friendship, and romance. Talk about a quandary. One person feels their heartstrings pulling towards love, stronger than gravity on Jupiter, stronger than a toddler’s grip on candy, while the other lacks the type of love that ignites sparks of passion.
The words “I love you” are three of the heaviest words in any language. “I love you” is like a rose in full bloom; each petal holds a different, yet deeply rich meaning. I tell my friends that I love them all the time. I do. I truly, deeply love my friends, each in their own unique way.
Love between a friend, and a lover is drastically different though. It’s possible for both to intertwine and dance together in the moonlight, and sunrises of relationships. After all, what would a true romance be without deep friendship? A lover who is also a friend is a different species than a friend who is a lover. Both are in extremely different classes than friendship that is filled with platonic love. All of it is as complicated as untangling a ball of yarn after a cat has finished knitting it.
When sexual tension rolls in like fog in a friendship, does it have to cloud the entire pretence of the relationship? Is it possible to pocket romantic, and erotic love to honour a platonic relationship? Do walls need to be put in place to keep cupid out? Most of all, what happens if the metamorphosed love is *gasp* unrequited? Welcome to what’s popularly referred to as “THE FRIENDZONE” where partners in a friendship find themselves trapped in cages of their own feelings. This invisible end zone is secured by high barbed-wire fences, snipers, brambles, moats, and every venomous creature on Earth. It’s where romantic and erotic love hit a force field and rebound back to the giver like a ton of bricks, rather than being absorbed, and appreciated by the recipient.
It’s the end. The FriEND Zone. Often the end of feelings, and worse, the end of friendships. It doesn’t have to be though. It shouldn’t be. In fact, THE FRIENDZONE ends HERE!
Let’s get down to basics:
- A person is not obligated to return romantic, and erotic feelings.
- An incredibly close, emotionally intimate relationship is not required to undergo the painful metamorphosis into a romantic relationship.
- Friendship is not the result of someone not valuing, or loving you enough to consider you a love interest. It’s someone loving, and valuing you as the person you, but not feeling romantic, and erotic feelings towards you, PERIOD!
- If your love interest feels best connected as your friend, it’s not your place to judge, or criticize their choices, or partners. You are there to be a supportive friend, not to lament about the unrequited feelings that are stirring your jealousy salad.
Please, take a moment and explain to me what makes being a friend so un valued? Is having. a person who truly enjoys investing time with you, cares about you, and supports you through rough times only good enough if sexual intimacy is involved?
No one owes you sex. No one owes you their romantic heart. Don’t ruin a really good relationship by rejecting friendship.