Once again, Ms. Swift has reached out to me with lyrics that I needed to hear. “Never take advice from someone who’s falling apart…” How freaking true is that?!
Imagine falling apart and asking someone to help you keep track of all of your pieces. Imagine that person being as shattered as you, if not more so. Your pieces connect in trauma bonds. Your pieces get lost in the shuffle of trying to find yourself in someone else. Their pieces become yours as you try to guide them towards their stars. Your pieces become theirs as they feed off of your soul. Life becomes a tornado of emotions, and everyone gets lost in the downspout.
So often we share advice from a place of wisdom that we wish we actually possess. How many times to I guide friends through situations that I’ve walked through blindly, and still don’t know the way out of? How many times have friends held my hand while I walked on hot coals, but they didn’t know how to keep me from getting burnt?
We fall apart. We guide each other with the best we have, sharing, caring, growing together. Sometimes, the best way to learn about your own life is to teach someone else. Seeing someone’s struggles through their eyes, knowing that you taste the same poison is a great way to help you learn how to manage your own life.
The risks of trauma bonds are real though. Sometimes bonding over pain creates deeper wounds, and opens chasms far more painful than anything you’ve ever experienced. Be careful who you ask to be your guiding light in your darkest times. Not everyone who claims to care is truly able to help you.
Once again, thank you Ms. Swift; you’ve opened my eyes to reality.