Sure, why not, I’ll shoulder the blame for everything. I mean really, it’s all my fault anyway, isn’t it? It’s MY fault that someone invalidated you. It’s MY fault that someone else has experiences, and feelings similar to yours and therefore requires attention too. It’s MY fault that life doesn’t follow the plans, and rules that you’ve laid out. It’s MY fault, so sure, why not, I’ll shoulder the blame!
Of course, I’ll carry the weight of your irresponsibility. I’ll do my best to fix the things that you didn’t care to manage, or maintain. I’ll do the things that no one else does because we all know that they won’t get done otherwise. I’ll help you when I shouldn’t because I feel guilty watching you struggle. I’ll pacify your wants because I feel guilty watching you go without, although in truth, we all know you have way too much to begin with.
I’ll argue with you to help you learn. I’ll set rules to help you manage and cope with the chaos that you thrive in. I’ll push you to function and try even when you think you can’t, or are too lazy to even want to. I’ll push. I won’t let you slide through life without effort.
In reality, everything falls on my shoulders. It may not be verbalized, but everything becomes my issue. Everything becomes something that I need to work out, solve, or fix. It’s overwhelming, yet I always feel like the problem, not the solution. I always feel like I’m not doing nearly enough and that everyone around me is struggling because I can’t, or won’t do more for them.
I feel guilt so profound and intense when I can’t do what others need. I hate watching them struggle, but I know that struggle is necessary for growth and movement. When I can’t be the person to fix everything, I become the dumping ground for all of their venting, and frustrations. Sure, why not, I’ll listen to every single hurtful thing that you can tell me in order to make you feel better. Sure, why not, I’ll carry the weight of your judgement and anger so that you feel better about yourself. Sure, why not? It’s not like I have feelings. (But I do!)
Beautifully Broken 