How to Un-Doormat Yourself

Are you a doormat? Do you wear the stains of years of shit being rubbed on you, staining you, grinding you down to dust? Do you fluff up what’s left of your patience, and lay down for the next hard stepper to tread on you knowing full well that you neither want, nor deserve the treatment that you’re getting, but let’s face it, you have no mental capacity to end it.

We’ve all been there. It’s rough. It starts off with being nice, kind, and generous, and usually ends with being taken advantage of, and taken for granted. We lose sight of our personal priorities to satisfy the needs of everyone around us, often ending up resentful that we’ve taught people to put us last. That’s right, we teach people to put us last by not making ourselves our own priorities.

So, how do we un-doormat our lives? How do we learn balance, self-respect, and most of all, how to put ourselves first when necessary? The simple answer is employing the word “NO,” but the more complicated answer is learning how to ask for help.

Saying “no,” is the easiest way to regain our time, and energy. By learning when to comply with people’s requests, and demands, and when to back away in order to keep our own schedules, and needs met, we gain control by setting boundaries. Boundaries need to be hard enough to be impermeable by shit-stompers, and pliable enough to allow movement when needed. The power of “NO” will help develop those boundaries. Say it often enough, and people will know that you mean business with your time, and energy!

Short of flossing those really hard to reach teeth at the back of your mouth, asking for help is one of the hardest things to do in life. Why do we avoid it? In reality, most of us don’t ask for help because there are few people that we can depend on to assist us in the way that we offer others. Sometimes, we’re embarrassed to admit that we aren’t superheroes, and we can’t do everything solo. The fact is, when we start asking for help, we are once again developing boundaries. By demonstrating our vulnerabilities, and our weaknesses, we aren’t showing our necks to predators, we are modelling our kindnesses to our peers. Asking for help shows what we are willing to do for others, by allowing them the respect to aid us in our times of need.

We all have that friend that we can call at 3am for any reason whatsoever. How do we know that we can call them? They’ve expressed their availability, and willingness to be woken up in the middle of the night to help with anything, and everything. We also have friends that although are dependable, we’d NEVER dream of waking from their slumber. Boundaries. Respect.

There is a certain level of respect that is given when you ask someone for help. It means that you can trust them when you are vulnerable. It means that you can depend on them when you are in need. It also helps you un-doormat yourself by proving that even the helper needs help once in a while.

What are you supposed to do if you’re already worn out and shit-stained? Stand up. Fluff out the dirt, wash off the shit, and start again. Repaint the mat: “Welcome: Only When Time and Energy Permit.”

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