It’s cloudy. For hours the sky has been teasing us with tears, only once truly releasing an outpouring of emotion offering a brief reprise from humidity, and tension. I wonder if my mood is clouded by the weather, or if by chance my ego, and vanity have my emotions controlling the forecast. Either way, my mood matches the grey.
Guilt lines the clouds like rusted iron replacing the preferred silver. I am weighed down by the pressure to please people, to pay attention to details, to accomplish something other than dancing my fingers across a keyboard that pretends to express my thoughts. I try to respect my body’s need to rest. I try to respect my brain’s desire to shut down. My attempts are as failed as a getting water from a rock. I’m tired; a level of tired that hits my emotions harder than my physical existence. Sleep won’t help. I don’t know what will.
In truth, I don’t owe anyone my good mood. I don’t owe anyone my patience, or my effort. None of us owe anyone any part of our moods, good, bad, or vile. We often stop children from feeling their emotions. We tell them that they are okay, when clearly they are not. They feel pain, they feel frustrations, they feel emotions on levels that adults have suppressed into oblivion.
Have you ever wondered what would happen if we allowed our emotions to spill from the clouds that hang over our heads? Would the world come crashing down, or would we all get along better because we are no longer tiptoeing around our feelings? What if we all wore our emotions on our sleeves? What if we all treated each other with kindness, compassion, and empathy because we never really know what someone else is going through?
What if we allowed ourselves to be real and not hold good moods above other feelings? For today, I’m not going to shake the glum. I’m going to sulk. I’m going to eat crunchy, salty foods. I’m going to feel whatever I need to feel. I encourage you to do the same, if you are brave enough to look in the mirror, and feel.
Beautifully Broken 