Seeking Attention in all the Wrong Places

I guess it can be said that I am an attention seeker. Although, if I were left to describe myself, I’d say that I am much more of a “validation seeker,” than a true attention hunter.

I cry out, but not in the sense of claiming wolves. No, I cry out to be seen, heard, recognized as alive, and real.

I used to long to fit in, but I’m not flexible enough to origami my personality into someone else’s idealistic box of character traits.

Now, I am very much aware of my “sore thumb status,” but I find comfort in knowing where I belong: on the outskirts looking in. I’m okay with that. In fact, I’m more than okay with not fitting in.

I do wish that I was seen though. Not “stand out feathers, and glitter on a stage seen,” but not “stand in the shadows, and fade into the scenery” unseen either. I want balance.

I know that I’m loud, if not in voice, then in character. I am boisterous, vivacious, sometimes the light in a dark room, but that’s not how I need to be seen.

I need to be seen as a person. I need to be heard for my thoughts, not taken for granted. I fear being forgotten…but I fear being remembered for the wrong things even more than anything else in this world.

I was told to look within for attention. I was told that I demand too much from the world outside. I’m not sure how that is the truth, but I don’t know what the truth is entirely either.

I simply know that I wish to be seen. I wish to be heard. I wish to be real.

I wish: to be ME.

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